And I'm standing still. And here I am again. Alone. Everyone has left after I have come out to share a conversation.
The conversation is unheard. Unseen. And quickly forgotten.
Everything is so agitating, and aggravating and frustrating. Nothing seems to satisfy me. I change things a lot. I can't stand waiting for a long plan to unfold. I'm tired of hearing the word No. I'm tired of being denied a conversation or a laugh with a good friend because there are better and more important things out there. I'm tired of being walked away from.
Sometimes I feel like I'm kidding myself. What am I doing out here so far away from home ? Away from all those roots where I sprung from. Am I just wasting my time & lots of money ? It's hard for me to tell anymore. I try to express my concerns, but I feel as if they constantly just fall on deaf ears.
I feel like I'm constantly the one who can relate to someone's problem. But where's the one who can relate to me ? Why don't I have one ? Do I not express clearly that I need one too ?
For some reason I get this sinking feeling in my chest when I think about my life & what my future may hold. It's almost relatable to the feeling of heartbreak, or losing a good friend.
I am indifferent. And I want to go home oh so badly. Just for a weekend or so. I need a break from this ruthless city.
Look Ducks.
Lindsey
